My Food’s Gone A.W.O.L.
Why do fast food joints and snack food companies hate me? Every time I get addicted to one of their tasty and sure-to-be-killing-me-quickly foods, they go and stop making it. Kind of like the McRib of my childhood, which does make a resurgence every now and then. So I thought I’d put together one of those list things that are all the rage on the internet these days.
My Top 5 Most-Requested Food Comebacks:
1) Taco Bell’s Texas Taco - Yes “The Bell” is pure evil but it’s also pure tastastic. So much so, that despite the inevitable after effects of a Taco Bell lunch, you’ll still find yourself back there before too long. Anyways, the Texas Taco was out in the early ’90s and it was the greatest thing ever. A fluffy soft tortilla, filled with chicken, tomatoes, chilis and this awesome creamy ranch sauce. The closest thing they have to it today is a gordita, but they pale in comparison.
2) 3-D Doritos - WTF? I’ve never been a big fan of Doritos in general. They’re okay, but probably last on my list of chips. So when 3D Doritos came out, I almost exploded. They were sooooo good! Cool ranch or regular, didn’t matter. Big puffy air-filled doritos. It was the crunch that changed things. (Plus, the culinary masters like myself, could chew off a tiny corner, inject the nozel of a can of EZ Cheese in there, and fill that sucer with pure cheese magic. These things were impossible to keep on the shelves, yet they eventually went the way of the Dodo. What gives?!?
3) Devil Dogs - Yeah, yeah. They still make these I know. But they suck. Seriously. Have you tried them lately? They are easily the driest thing this side of Miami Beach. I loved ‘em as a kid, though, when they were like 900% moister. Kind of like how Suzy-Qs (from Hostess) are today.
4) Freakies cereal - When I was a kid, we had a creepy magnet of the green Freakies character (Boss Moss) on our fridge. I think my mom still has it actually. But anyways, this cereal was only around from 1973 to 1975, so I must’ve been like 3 years old or so when I first tasted it. I know my older sister loved it and would go on and on and on about it. I have no clue what it actually tastes or looks like, though, I just recall her talking about it all the time. Plus I was fascinated by our Freaky green magnet. So bring this sucker back so I can see what all the fuss was about.
5) The Clamwich - Ohhhh, yeah! Part fried clams, part sandwich. And all Clamwich! This one’s exactly as it sounds. Take a big kaiser roll, slap on some tartar sauce, a little lettuce, maybe some tomatoes, and a big fat heaping of deliciously crunchy fried clams! Sure you can still get a basket of fried clams at Friendly’s, but they won’t make the sandwich for you. Believe me, I’ve tried asking! At least the Fishamajig (shown right cause I can’t find a pic of the Clamwich, grrr…) is still on the menu.
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Man o man, two thumbs up…WAY UP…for 3D Doritos. That had to be the best snack food of the last decade. It’s criminal that we’re being denied them.